June 2009
fmylife:
Today, I put on my “fat jeans” because none of my other jeans fit. Neither do my fat jeans. FML
fmylife:
Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML
fmylife:
Today, Michael Jackson died. FML
fmylife:
Today, I finally had sex with a girl I’ve been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML
Jeffrey Max told me he is gay.
fmylife:
Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson’s comeback tour. FML
lovegifs:
fmylife:
Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, “And nice cleavage today. Keep that up.” FML
fmylife:
Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer’s leg. FML
fmylife:
Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML
fmylife:
Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday. Contents were a travel first-aid kit, and a remote control robot toy, with an age recommendation on the box of 8. I’m 29. They thought that since I’m an engineer I would like the toy. They also think I’ll hurt myself with it. FML
fmylife:
Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman’s diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML
gifparty:
gifparty:
fmylife:
Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML
fmylife:
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn’t expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from facebook requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML
